Jillian Bowdring -- Borders of a Realistic and Fantastical World


   Good work on the reflection paper.  Your ideas about the ways the film
   connects with the CHQ theme are excellent.  The writing is also good, but
   there are a few "glitches" or places where you could say things in a 
   more effective way.  For instance, from the paragraph that starts on 
   page 1 and goes over onto page 2:

   "When Ofelia’s mother tells her to not venture out into the woods since she 
    was all dressed for the Vidal’s dinner party, she goes anyway." 

   > I believe that "Vidal" is just the surname of the Captain, so saying "the Vidal"
     is not correct.

   "If she never ended up going, she would have never been able to retrieve the key 
   from the toad and never been able to find the sacrificial knife needed to unlock 
   the underground world."

   > That's an awful lot of "nevers" in one sentence!  Something like:
   
   "If she had not gone, then she would not have been able to retrieve the 
   key from the toad and she never would have been able to find the 
   sacrificial knife needed to unlock the underground world"  would flow better.

   "Another example of her justified disobedience is when she doesn’t agree to 
   the demands of the Faun when he asks to use her baby brother as a sacrifice for 
   the labyrinth."

   > Try to find more active verbs and less wordy ways of expressing your 
   points instead of using constructions like  "another example of X is ... ."  
   For instance you could say something like "Ofelia also disobeys the Faun when 
   she refuses to let her baby brother be used as a sacrifice for the labyrinth."  
   The point that you think this disobedience is justified is clear from the context
   (in particular from the two sentences just before this section).  But if you 
   really wanted to emphasize that you could add something like:
   "Ofelia also disobeys the Faun, and is justified in doing so, when 
   she refuses to let her baby brother be used as a sacrifice for the labyrinth." 

   "Instead, she stands strong in her disobedience for the well being of her baby 
   brother."

   > I think "stands strong" is close to a cliche now.  I'm not sure this sentence
   adds anything that wasn't already stated in the previous one in any case.
   Plus, "well-being" has a hyphen.   


   "In saving his life, she then sacrifices her own life by taking the Vidal’s bullet. 
   Bravery, commitment and love helped grant her access into the underground kingdom 
   since she had followed her heart, and not the rules."

   > This is mostly good; just two small comments:  "the Vidal" again, and you 
   don't need "had followed" -- just "followed" would work too.

   Content:  A

   Mechanics:  A-