Ave Taylor-Kelley -- The Sloth and the Turtle

   The metamorphosis stories in Ovid might seem strange and almost "random"
   to us, but when you look at them carefully, it turns out that they (and
   the myths they are based on) always have a sort of internal logic.  The 
   change almost always comes as either a reward or a punishment for something 
   the "metamorphosee" has done, or sometimes for something they are.  In addition, the 
   agent of the metamorphosis is always a god--an agent who has a well-defined 
   and established power to effect the transformation.  

   I think you have followed the first part of this well-- the boy and girl each 
   have definite flaws and the punishment of one for being late and the other for 
   not keeping with the other sibling does make sense in a way. The girl gets
   punished by being turned into an animal similar to what her brother is
   (a slow turtle) and the boy gets punished by being turned into an animal
   that is even slower than he is (the sloth).  

   However, the issue I have with your story is that it doesn't seem to me that 
   having a school principal be the one that makes the transformation really fits.  
   (And by the way, that's the correct spelling!  The word "principle" is the one 
   that means a rule or a fundamental truth.  If you think "rule" has "le" at 
   end => principle is the one means a rule, you won't get them confused -- it's
   the way I always remember which one to use when!)  If it's not clear
   that your agent of transformation really has the power to make that kind
   of transformation, then the whole premise of the story is undercut and
   the reader loses the "suspension of disbelief" needed for your story
   to work.  

   Some other points -- using the name Folivora (the order containing the 
   sloths, right?) and Kinosternon (a genus of small turtles) is OK, but
   it's easy to get confused by those unfamiliar names.  You might have
   put in some explanation (in addition to the title).  Also, you have
   presented your story as an actual poem.  That's OK but it was not necessary.
   It would be OK to tell it in prose.  The thing is, you don't have
   much in the way of rhythm in your lines, and you only use a few
   rhymes at ends of lines.  So this doesn't seem much like actual 
   poetry when you read it, just a bunch of really short sentences.   

   
   Content:  B+

   Mechanics: B+