Michael Melch -- Above The Storms of Life


   Your metamorphosis story is generally good.  But it ends very quickly and it was
   rather difficult to follow what happened to whom and how it fit together
   (that is, without reading your notes/commentary). But a reader shouldn't
   have to do that!  Anticipating a possible response to that, it might
   be argued that some of the endings of the episodes in Ovid might have seemed 
   similarly abrupt.  But I would argue that Ovid could do that because his stories 
   were retellings of myths that would be completely familiar already to his readers.  
   That is not the case for your story (not for this reader, at least!), so I would 
   have liked to see more explanation of who the eagle is (maybe some quality or 
   feature preserved from his former penguin state).  Also, the use of a snake as
   the "metamorphosis target" for a character who is malevolent or disliked
   is not the most original choice.  Snakes get a very bad rap in traditional
   stories, starting in a way with the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden
   of Eden in the Judaeo-Christian tradition.  So a little thought might have 
   shown you some other way to tell the story that would be less "obvious"
   and conventional.  For instance, are the eagles you are introducing native
   to southern polar regions?  If so, you might have done the transformation
   into one of their prey animals (maybe a fish, since eagles prey on fish ... ).
   Finally, what does the title of your story mean?  It does not really seem
   to fit with what the story is about.

   Content:  B

   Mechanics:  A