Jack Katarincic -- Modern Day Metamorphoses


   The metamorphosis stories in Ovid might seem strange and almost "random"
   to us, but when you look at them carefully, it turns out that they (and
   the myths they are based on) always have a sort of internal logic.  The 
   change almost always comes as either a reward or a punishment for something 
   the "metamorphosee" has done, or sometimes for something they are.  In addition, the 
   effector of the metamorphosis is always a god--an agent who has a well-defined 
   and established power to effect the transformation.  

   The main issue I have with your story is that it just isn't all that that 
   plausible that "Russian intelligence" has the power to change the President 
   into a tiger.  And even if they did have that power, what would their motive 
   be for doing it?  You say it's because the President has been trash-talking Russia.  
   But does Donald Trump ever do that? 

   It seems from the story itself as if the idea of using a tiger as a target of 
   the transformation comes almost entirely from the orange color of Donald Trump's 
   hair, and there is an element of humor in the choice.  If you want the transformation 
   also to serve to emphasize his strength of personality, as you say in the comments,
   then you probably want to bring that out explicitly in the story itself.
   (In other words, it seems as though you really mean to say the transformation
   did not have the effect that the Russians wanted it to have.  You could
   bring that out more clearly!)
 
   Finally, the fact that he can still speak as a human after the transformation 
   is an unexplained detail that does not really "fit" with the rest of the story.
   I'll admit that that aspect does fit with some of Donald Trump's bragging
   about being able to do almost anything better than the "experts."  But
   I don't think you were thinking about it that way because your attitude
   towards the President seems to be predominantly positive.  

   So I'm afraid this story as a whole just doesn't hang together very well.  

   There are also a few writing slips:

     (1)  Oval Office and White House should be capitalized
     
     (2)  "His face had completely changed to one with whiskey, a mane and 
          much larger sharper teeth" -- looks like a classic autocomplete
          glitch!  I think "whiskey" somehow got substituted for "whiskers" :)

     (3)  There are a few sentences that are overly long and convoluted.  For 
          instance, "The President who still has the ability to speak English 
          will hold a press conference on Monday morning addressing the American 
          people and to initiate a CIA investigation to find out who transformed 
          the President."  This needs some commas and it could also be split
          up like this:  "The President, who still has the ability to speak English, 
          will hold a press conference on Monday morning addressing the American 
          people.  He will also initiate a CIA investigation to find out who 
          transformed him."  The final sentence in the comments at the end
          is another example.  

  Content:  B 

  Mechanics: B+