Michaela Fleming -- Metamorphoses

  The metamorphosis stories in Ovid might seem strange and almost "random"
  to us, but when you look at them carefully, it turns out that they (and
  the myths they are based on) always have a sort of internal logic.  The 
  change almost always comes as either a reward or a punishment for something 
  the "metamorphosee" has done, or sometimes for something they are.  In addition, the 
  agent of the metamorphosis is always a god--an agent who has a well-defined 
  and established power to effect the transformation. 

  Setting the metamorphosis story in the Hunger Games universe
  was a reasonable choice, I think.  The way Snow rules as a 
  dictator and the rather immense powers of the game-makers 
  and peace-keepers under his control make his power essentially 
  equivalent to that of one of the gods in Ovid's stories.  And 
  the transformation of Peeta into a mouse that Katniss cannot stand 
  to be around is a striking and effective punishment for him (effective
  from Snow's point of view, that is).  (The last scene of her
  sweeping him out of the house with a broom is good!)  It is also 
  a strong echo of the capricious and destructive ways the gods 
  can interact with humans in the Greek and Roman myths.  

  There are a few details that don't quite fit, though.  I'm being
  very literal here, but I think it's important to try to make your
  story fit into the world you have chosen as closely as it can:

  (1) I think Katniss was supposed to have brown hair and
      a darker complexion, not blonde hair (i.e. not like
      Jennifer Lawrence's natural hair color).

  (2) The conversation:  “If the final two tributes are you and me, I 
      will die so you can survive, Katniss.”  Katniss whispered back: 
      “No, Peeta, we will not both die and let the President win."
      This doesn't really make sense, unless you meant, "we will both
      live and we will not let the President win" (that is, the "not"
      has to apply to both the "die" and the "let the President win").  
      Is that what you were thinking?  It did not quite come out right, if so.

  (3) Since you have Snow say that he needs to act quickly and 
      prevent Katniss and Peeta from both entering the Games
      a *second time*, this is presumably happening after the 74th 
      Hunger Games and before the reaping for the 75th Games -- maybe
      right after the Victory Tour(?)  But then why are Katniss and 
      Peeta training?  They wouldn't be planning to "enter" the Games 
      in any case, unless they were thinking of volunteering. (They 
      also presumably don't know about the reaping from the pool
      of living victors for the Quarter Quell 75th Games because 
      that's only decided later by Snow and Plutarch Heavensbee.)  
      That they would be planning to volunteer seems unlikely given 
      Katniss's mental state after her first experience in the Games 
      (see the start of "Catching Fire").

  (4) Similarly, I'm not sure I understand how Katniss's declaration
      to Snow that she and Peeta will both win the Games fits into
      the situations and the timeline established by the books
      and/or movies.  Which Games are we talking about?  How
      have they both been chosen to represent District 12?  

  A couple of smaller points: 

  (1) The noun form is spelled "metamorphosis."  "Metamorphoses"
      is either the plural of the noun or one part of the verb
      "to metamorphose" (i.e. undergo a metamorphosis).  

  (2) The last sentence of the commentary -- should be "to" instead
      of "too"

  (3) The writing here is very simple and that makes it sound
      almost as if the story is aimed at children.  I think you
      could have tried for some more complexity and depth.

  Content:  B+

  Mechanics:  B+