Jill, 

     This is a good start.  As I was thinking when we talked in office hours, 
   you definitely have enough interesting things to say focusing the paper
   this way.  Here are some comments:

   1)  I think your first paragraph is a little too terse.  You could
       take some more time to lay out the borders you will discuss.
       Instead of saying "Wild West," be more specific and say "the borderlands
       between Texas and Mexico." You don't need to get into the details 
       of the English vs. Spanish (capitalize these!) distinction right away 
       in the first sentence.  You could continue to the second sentence
       about the way this comes out in both the plot and the diction.
       Then it would also be possible to lay out more of the different ways that 
       border plays out in the novel:
       
          * The use of language furthers the plot in several ways.  For one,
            John Grady Cole is bilingual (he speaks Spanish and is more 
            at home in the Mexican culture).  The descriptions of the two river 
            crossings show how much has changed in John Grady's life ... 

          * The author also uses treats dialogue in an unusual way and 
            uses untranslated Spanish words in the text.
            That affects how an English-speaking reader can engage
            with the text.

       Don't get into the details yet in the first paragraph, just say
       what you are going to discuss later on.

   2)  If you do things in that order in the introduction, then it might 
       be better to reorganize the following paragraphs.  Maybe put the
       discussion of how language drives the plot first and then discuss how 
       the lack of punctuation, the run-on sentences, and the use of Spanish 
       words and phrases in the text affects an English-speaking reader after 
       that.  This would just mean moving a big chunk of text later.  

   3)  I think you want to rethink what you say about the Spanish phrase that 
       you discuss from page 128.  Who is John Grady speaking to?  (It's
       one of the horses, so when he says he is the "comandante," he's asserting
       his dominance over the horse.  You will see that clearly if you 
       translate the next sentences too:  "Without the love or charity I give
       you with these hands, you have nothing.  Neither food, nor water, nor
       sons (i.e. male foals).  It is I who tames the wild mares from 
       the mountains ... ")  I don't think that shows immaturity and egocentricity.
       It's an illustration of what he does to interact with the animals.  He is
       able to get them to do what he wants by keeping them calm and saying
       that he is totally in charge.

   4)  Proofread the paper carefully -- there are a number of small things
       that need to be addressed:  always capitalize English and Spanish 
       (the names of the languages), "insearch" should be two words, etc.

   Hope these are useful.  


                                                John Little