Victoria Young -- Opposite Customs of the Egyptians (paper 2 rewrite)

  This is a good improvement over the original version of your paper, especially in
  the rewritten first paragraph.  However I think the idea of gender differences that
  you introduce in the final sentence of the paragraph should come earlier (but not
  just moving that sentence -- save the boundaries idea for the end).  The current
  next-to-last sentence would be a better conclusion to that opening paragraph.
  
  One other comment -- you say pretty consistently that the Egyptians have cultural
  boundaries "set up" or "put up."  That makes it sound as though someone decided 
  intentionally that the Egyptians should have these differences with other peoples.  I'm 
  not sure you meant that.  And I really doubt Herodotus would say that's what he meant either.  
  It would have been better to find a way to say this that allowed for the possibility that 
  those differences just developed naturally without anyone actually creating the differences
  in order for them to be differences.

  For instance, in the final sentence from the first paragraph: "Egyptians not only have
  religious, cultural and traditional boundaries put up between themselves and the world, ... "
  instead of saying "put up" you might say something like this:  "Not only do boundaries exist 
  between the religion, culture, and traditions of Egypt and the religion, culture, and
  traditions of the rest of the world, but ... "    

  Content:  B+

  Mechanics: A-