Cody Wilkinson -- Persian Religious Beliefs (paper 2 rewrite)

  This is somewhat improved over the first draft, but I don't think you 
  really addressed my major comment on the first version: The paper still
  "runs out" at the end by mentioning several other interesting, non-religious, 
  customs that Herodotus describes in quite a bit of detail.  Because you have
  the paragraph on birthday celebrations and other aspects of Persian culture 
  toward the end, I think you should have tried widening the scope--discussing
  Herodotus' presentation of Persian customs in general, not just the religious 
  customs from the first two chapters 1.131 and 1.132.  

  Some specific comments on your opening paragraph:

  Generally, this is very good.  But there are a few things that could still use
  some work 

  "This section focuses on who/what, where, and how the Persians worshipped their gods and 
  deities."
  
  Yes, but that's not all he does there since you're now including 1.133.  Moreover,
  the "who/what, where, and how ... " is understandable, but it does not really "work"
  grammatically because the "who/what" does not match the verb "worshipped."  (If you 
  just said "who (or what) the Persians worshipped their gods," that would not make sense.)
  Something like this would be better: "... focuses on how the Persians thought about their 
  gods, and describes where and how they worshipped those deities."  Then you can bring out 
  the contrast between the impersonal Persian gods and the human-like Greek gods when you go 
  into more detail.

  "The borders Herodotus crosses in this section are cultural borders. Borders between Persia 
  and Greece, borders between religious practices, and borders between cultural customs."

  What comes after the "cultural borders" is not a complete sentence.  You could replace the 
  period with a colon or a dash.  

  There are a few other small things that you did not catch in doing the revision:
  "Alter" and "altar" are two different words.  You want "altar."
  "Non sentient" needs a hyphen:  "non-sentient."

  ".. lets the reader develop their own opinion on the culture themselves" -- To me, 
  "his or her" sounds better than "their" here.  Also, the "themselves" is redundant
  since you are already saying "their own opinion"

  Content:  A-

  Mechanics: B+