Victoria Pierce -- (no title) (paper 2 rewrite)

   Victoria, I think you have made some improvements in the overall structure
   of the paper and the way you now use the theme of borders.  However, I think
   there are *many* more writing issues here than in the version I saw before.  What
   happened?  

   I want to go through one paragraph in detail to show you what I mean.  This 
   is the second paragraph starting toward the bottom of the first page:

   The information obtained from the section about the Egyptian’s <=  this should be the plural 
                                                                      possessive: Egyptians'

   customs seems as if Herodotus spent time one on one time  <= something extra here (why is "time"
                                                                repeated?)

   with them. He says “I am going to extend my account of Egypt at some length here and 
   give additional details about it…” (Section 2.35). It has to be that Herodotus himself 
   was presently there  <= do you mean "there in person"?

   watching what the Egyptians himself <= This does not make sense.  Is something missing?

   because the way he describes their life style makes it seem like he was so interested. I 
   don’t think anyone who seems to have that must  <= much?

   passion for talking about a culture that is not his could make up such information. 

   
   For example when they claim that didn’t know who one of the 12 Egyptian gods Herakles a 
   “god of great   antiquity” (Section 2.43).  <=  This is not a complete sentence and I don't 
                                                   understand what you meant to say.

   Herodotus himself traveled to Phoenicia to inquire <= "inquire" doe not make sense here;
                                                         did you mean acquire?  or maybe 
                                                         "inquire about"?

   more proofs and evidence. He looked at many different topics covered in Egyptian norms 
   being gender, purity and religion, and animals. <= "topics covered in" doesn't really make
                                                      sense here; did you mean "topics regarding
                                                      Egyptian norms of gender, religion, and 
                                                      their customs about purity and animals"

   It is also essential to realize that Herodotus claims that there is an actual separation 
   between the Egyptians and other societies in the way that the Egyptians do everything the 
   complete opposite of everyone else.   <=  This is very good.

   While there are many differences <=  really need a comma here
 
   there are some similarities in the way that Herodotus finds way to compare topics and 
   rituals to the Greeks and other cultures he studied like the Persians.  <= This is 
                                                                             very awkward. 

   There are comparable problems throughout (we can go through line by line in office hours
   if you think it would help).  

   Please consider making use of the Writer's Workshop for future writing assignments.
   The consultants there can help you "brainstorm" ideas about papers and plan out the
   outline of what you want to say.  They don't usually do line-by-line editing with you
   but they can help with some things there too.  
   

   Content:  B+

   Mechanics:  C+