Katie Lovell -- Bridging Ancient Civilizations Through Written History (paper 2 rewrite)


   This is a very good improvement over the first version of the paper.
   I think you have addressed most of the comments I had before very 
   successfully.  I do have a few remaining comments, though.  When
   you discuss what Herodotus says about circumcision now, you say this
   was done "only in Egypt at the time."  But I think Jewish people
   in the Middle East were already practicing this custom at the time
   Herodotus was writing.  It was not usual in the Greek world, but
   I don't think it was entirely unique to Egypt.  

   Some small points:

   (1) At the top of page 2, the comma after the first word is not really
       correct because it's coming between two complete sentences.  Either
       use a semicolon, or split into two sentences.

   (2) A bit farther down "he prefaces the reader of his attention" doesn't
       make sense -- I don't think "prefaces" and "attention" aren't the words 
       you want.  I think you meant something like "he signals his intentions
       to the reader by the way he starts off the first book ... ."  You use the
       word "prefaces" in the same way later too (on page 3).  You can 
       preface a book with a piece of writing or something else.  But 
       you can't "preface" a person by telling them something.
       

   (3) On page 3, "The Greeks, a culture that placed such an influence on 
       masculinity, ... " -- the Greeks are not the same as their culture, 
       so you would probably want to say "Greek culture, which placed such
       such an influence on masculinity, ... " 

   Content:  A

   Mechanics:  A-