Liam O'Toole -- Thinking Beyond the Homeland

  General comment to everyone:  Be sure you are articulating why you are calling 
  things *borders* or *boundaries* (i.e. things that divide some place from another 
  place or some people from others, while at the same time forming a connection between 
  them).  Some of you seem to be using those words almost as synonyms for "differences," but 
  there is more to it than that because you aren't always working in the idea of 
  simultaneous *separation* and *connection*. 

   Most of what you have here is very good and very well-written.  My main 
   comment, though, is that your thesis (i.e. the main point of what you
   are trying to say) is not clearly laid out in the opening paragraph. It's
   "buried" in the paper on page 4 -- in the paragraph that starts "All the 
   information that Herodotus decided to include in this work ... ."  I think
   you might have come to realize that is what you wanted to say as you wrote,
   but didn't appreciate that the organization of the paper should be changed
   to reflect that.  For the rewrite, I would suggest taking what you said in 
   that paragraph, working it into the opening paragraph, and cutting back on 
   the generalities you have there now a bit.  The border you are really discussing 
   is the border between the familiar and the unfamiliar and you are saying 
   Herodotus is highlighting how unfamiliar Egypt is by his strategy of depicting 
   everything there as "opposite." 

   In terms of the attached rubric, I think your paper is clearly in the 
   "Advanced" category in Content, Evidence, and Execution.  But the Structure
   is "Proficient" but not "Advanced" because of the way the opening paragraph
   does not actually capture your main point.  

   Content:  A

   Mechanics:  A-