David Mendoza -- Title

   (It would be good to come up with an informative and specific title!)

   General comment to everyone:  Be sure you articulate why you are calling some things 
   *borders* or *boundaries* (i.e. things that divide some place from another place or 
   some people from others, while at the same time forming a connection between them).  
   Some of you seem to be using those words almost as synonyms for "differences," but there is 
   more to it than that because you aren't always working the idea of simultaneous 
   *separation* and *connection* into your discussions. 

   David, for your rewrite I am going to suggest that you scrap this version of the 
   paper entirely and start over.  The reason is that I think you have become fixated
   on small, "local" changes.  You have not yet come up with a big, "global" picture of what
   it is you want to say or an effective way to say it.  I am afraid this version is 
   really no better than the ones I saw before.  The only way it is going to improve 
   is if you start over, plan it out afresh as a whole, and think about how to get the 
   theme of borders, in both the separation, and connection aspects, into what you are 
   trying to say.   Please stop editing this version because I think this is also the 
   reason behind fragmentary and garbled sentences like  "The borders that are visible 
   as he exams a cultures custom is in Egypt."  I have *no idea* what that is supposed
   to mean because this is not close to being grammatically correct.  Similarly "The 
   liability of According to the text, Herodotus either observed the ancient egyptian 
   civilization or has been instructed by a knowledgeable man" is closer to being
   grammatically correct but it is totally jumbled up.  It looks as though you 
   have changed some things and left others that don't fit with the new words.   

   For your rewrite, you should start by rethinking your introduction. Your goal 
   should be to identify and describe the exact borders that you are going to consider, 
   not just say there are cultural borders.  I think the first thing to concentrate on is the way 
   Herodotus frames his description of Egyptian customs by introducing the "entirely 
   opposite" idea.  You could start out by saying "In sections 2.35-2.37 of the Histories, 
   Herodotus claims that there is a border between Egyptian customs and those of all other 
   societies.  The border he has in mind is defined by his idea that the Egyptians do everything 
   in a completely opposite way from other peoples.  That is clearly a separation between
   what the Egyptians do and what others do.  But it is also a connection because Herodotus
   consistently describes what Egyptians do by comparing that with customs of the 
   Greeks and of other peoples."  If necessary, it's OK with me if you copy those sentences 
   verbatim into your paper and use them to help you get started.  I don't have
   a problem with that.

   I see that you have also left in the discussion of how the use of the phrase
   "exceedingly pious" in describing the Egyptians' religious practices indicates that 
   Herodotus is criticizing the Egyptians.  I thought I had convinced you that is not
   really valid when we talked last week.  EXCEEDINGLY is NOT the same as 
   EXCESSIVELY.  I think you are misreading that statement and the word you are 
   reacting to so strongly is essentially only one choice made by a translator of that 
   passage. It would be equally correct and perhaps even closer to the Greek original to 
   say "The Egyptians are extraordinarily pious people."  Is that a negative statement?
   I don't think so, because from the Histories as a whole, it is very clear that 
   Herodotus is not anti-religion.  In fact, he's definitely interested in and even 
   captivated by aspects of different religions.   

   In terms of the attached writing rubric, most of this version of your paper is at 
   the "Basic" level with occasional "Below Basic" elements (as in the sentences I     
   quoted above, where what you say is not clear because the grammar makes no sense).  

   Content: C

   Mechanics: C