Jack Katarincic -- Herodotus Essay

   (It would be OK to come up with a more informative and specific title!)

   General comment to everyone:  Be sure you articulate why you are calling some things 
   *borders* or *boundaries* (i.e. things that divide some place from another place or 
   some people from others, while at the same time forming a connection between them).  
   Some of you seem to be using those words almost as synonyms for "differences," but there is 
   more to it than that because you aren't always working in the idea of simultaneous 
   *separation* and *connection*. 

   I think your paper makes a number of good points, but there are some structural problems.
   The main comment I have is that the theme of borders is kind of "buried" in the paper
   in the paragraphs starting on page 2.  You also never say what exactly those borders 
   are and your discussion of how Herodotus is using them to structure his presentation of 
   Egyptian culture in your passage is not as good as it could be because you haven't explained
   what they (the borders) are.

   For your rewrite, you should start by rethinking your introduction. Your goal should be to 
   lay out the exact borders that you are going to consider.  I think the first thing to 
   concentrate on is the way Herodotus frames his description of Egyptian customs by introducing 
   the "entirely opposite" idea.  You could say something like "Herodotus is claiming that there 
   is a border between Egyptian customs and those of all other societies defined by the fact that 
   the Egyptians do everything in a completely opposite way."  Note that this is certainly a 
   separation. But it is also a connection in a sense because, in order to describe the Egyptian 
   customs, Herodotus has to compare them to customs of Greek and other cultures.  

   Another important point:  Can you point to the exact evidence (in the text of Herodotus)
   that you are using to draw the conclusion that he thinks borders between Egypt and other
   cultures *should not* be crossed?  I have to say that seems like a "stretch" to me, but if you 
   could show convincingly that he is saying that, it would certainly be OK to use that idea.  
   I agree that he says some of their "do's and don'ts" are strict boundaries between allowable 
   and unallowable behavior for them.  But that's not the same as saying the boundaries between 
   their culture and other cultures should not be crossed.  

   "Do the Egyptians act so differently because they want to isolate themselves and their culture?"
   Maybe, but their relative isolation (and the fact that their culture is much older than
   others) could just mean that they developed their own ways of doing things and didn't
   need to change.  (If you look at notes and the Appendix on Book II, you'll also see that Herodotus
   is exaggerating some of the differences to make his rhetorical points.)
   
   Smaller points:  

    (a) Four lines up from the bottom on page 1, " ... the Egyptians cultural differences ... "
        is not correct -- that's a possessive.  Same problem at start of the first full paragraph
        on page 2 and again in the paragraph that starts at the bottom of page 2.

    (b) Same sentence on page 2, "... emphasizes in opposite nature of them" does not make 
        sense.  Find a rewording to say what you meant there.   

   In terms of the attached writing rubric, I think most of your paper is at the "Proficient"
   level.

   Content:  B

   Mechanics:  B+