Alex,

      This is mostly a good improvement over the first draft.  However, I think you
   are over-playing the idea that Odysseus's journey was "given to him by the gods."
   There's an element of that to be sure, but it doesn't take into account the fact
   that Odysseus makes real choices at various points in the story that significantly
   affect the outcome.  The best example I can think of is his decision to leave 
   Calypso and continue his journey at that point.  Don't forget that Calypso is 
   offering to make him immortal and keep him with her forever.  Given the way he
   describes their lovemaking, that must have been a very hard decision.  Yet
   Odysseus knows he has to leave and get back to Penelope in order to be true to himself
   and to her.  Athena can see that he's become miserable and wants to leave.  She
   arranges for it to be possible for him to leave.  But I think it was ultimately
   his decision and it wasn't Athena or any other god that was making him continue
   his journey.      

      In your opening paragraph, "excessive amounts of destruction" is maybe even
   worse than the "massive amounts of destruction" you had originally. I was suggesting
   something less "over the top" like "... much destruction for many of the people ... "

      In the first full paragraph on page 2, the word choice in " ... she or one of the 
   gods interjected on his path ... " is not correct. To "interject" something is to throw
   it into a conversation; the thing interjected is the words.  So a god cannot interject
   him- or herself into a situation.   You want a different word like "intervened."
   The same word choice issue recurs at the top of page 3.

      At the bottom of page 3, you mention that Telemachus is growing toward his father's
   "mannerisms."  This is another case where the word you chose doesn't mean exactly what
   you want.  A "mannerism" would be something like a habitual gesture or a characteristic 
   way of pronouncing a word, or something relatively minor like that.  You really mean 
   something like "character trait."    


   Content/Evidence

   B+

   Structure/Mechanics

   B+