Advice for Surviving an Earthquake
(Distributed on med-jokes@list.pitt.edu)
Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a
disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips
to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:
Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the
plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and
saying, ``I told you so.''
To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.
Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of
time.
Look out your window often. If you see a large, zigzag shaped crevasse
moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right
or the left.
Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal,
such as a teddy bear? Well, let's see Mr. Bear help you now!
For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a
majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did
not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging,
out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.
A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep,
and work in doorways.
Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business
days before a major earthquake strikes.
In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a
desk, a table, or your boss.
If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and
are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to
reflect on how grossly you've wasted your life.